Hating MYSELF

 I just don’t know where to start, but what I can say is 

I AM TIRED OF THE TOXIC ENVIRONMENT !

8 JULY 2023

I don’t know why but I started to have diarrhea. I don’t think because of wedding thing or anything related because what my husband ate, I ate. I even ask my friend is there’s any one of her family member have it? She said nope and infact they still eating the leftover till Monday.

9 JULY 2023

Still having some, but under control. So I though ohh it’s okay I’m getting better(which is I did not). Before I go to bed I’ve read a massage from my SIL telling me to represent my mom for some course on the Monday. So yeah I am willing to do it either I don’t know why but just go for it.

10 JULY 2023

Waking up take a bath and I puke while bathing and yep I still have diarrhea and still I go to work to put my 100% commitment to my responsibilities given last night before I go to bed. So meanwhile arriving work and keep on going to the toilet to do my business, still attending my unknow course and then when I join it then when I know it is about safety it the factory which suppose to be attending this course is GM or SUPERVISORS but unfortunately both of them take things for granted. When I came back to the office I found out my GM is enjoying his morning doing nothing on his table. More to pretending doing something. 🙄  Supervisor? HAHA always on his MC’s and still getting payed more than me. And me thru out the day? Still stay until 6.40pm to finish my responsibilities while going to the toilet for 9 times on the day ! When i arrived home to get some rest and yup I slept early because or draining of energy thru out the day but my diarrhea take over my nights by me pooing while asleep for 3 times and then receiving a text to go for a fire department course as there’s no one can go. And me struggling my nights pooing while asleep replying that I can’t attend it as still in my diarrhea phase.

11 JULY 2023

No reply from my last night text and then I am so freaking tired and traumatised to sleep because I am afraid of pooing on my bed. I text the team I can’t go to the office as I’m not feeling well. And I thought that okay maybe today I am getting better. And I’m going to the clinic to get medicine unfortunately still I have my diarrhea till next morning.

12 JULY 2023

Today I text again my sil telling that I am not fit to come to work today because I still have mt diarrhea. Guess what she say ? “ seriously? But we have may work to do.” WTF! I am sick not pretending sick ! That job is even not my job dude ! I help not because of my job scope but I help because of empathy. And then she texted me again telling that I AM SUPPOSED TO COVER THE COURSE FOR 3 DAYS ROW ! The course is about safety and health that the person who supposed to join is SUPERVISORS AND GM ! WTF again ! That is why I am fucking tired of all of this bullshits I’ve been thru for 8 years of TOXIC workplace ! Because of some bullshits mouth I felt that I am not worth it to live in this world. One fine day, I hope ALLAH will grant me with the best work place for me to replace all this bullshits thing.